I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
