ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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