He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
