you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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