3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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