im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
