I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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