This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
