I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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