Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
