a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize