Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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