Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My vagina is officially offended.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
