Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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