they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
