I want to make a zoo with you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
