I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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