I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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