It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
