Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Actions speak louder than pants.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
