Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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