at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
