can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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