i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
