There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When are your genitals available?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
