I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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