i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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