Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
