I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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