Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
