I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
