I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did I show you my penis last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
