I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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