I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
