Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
two words...techno handjob
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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