I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
But theres a keg here and me gusta
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
