i wish peter jackson would direct porn
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
