Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
