I feel like abortions should bother me more
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
