If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
