Me. At least after what I've been through.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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