I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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