so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
