Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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