I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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