I need help removing her.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize