he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
