Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
