she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
