Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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