all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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