It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You made out with two different species that night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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