if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.