so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.