I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
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champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
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Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.