bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"