i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?