no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.