clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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