I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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