I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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