Will you blow on my dice?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
