she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's get the cat blown out
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
