; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My vagina is officially offended.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
