He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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