Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
