i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
