All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
