Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
