Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
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I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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