true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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